Maturity...

Days have passed, months, in fact a few years have past, since I've sat down and tried to scrawl out some words worthy of another reading. After re-reading some of my older posts I'm in some sort of awe and shock of how drastically different my life and my overall view on life has changed.

I'm a mother now. A mother of a an almost two year old toddler. He's amazing. I think he just may be the most amazing little human I've ever met. His vocabulary is stellar, he's sensitive and kind and knows how to flirt with the best. ( I should know, we can smell our own.) But he's definitely beat me in the "sensitive" dept. His level of empathy and cautiousness is just something I can't seem to wrap my head around. Again, the child is awe striking, his eyes a vast ocean of blue, his hands; tiny like little stars. He's the best at holding hands and making my heart melt.

My world has changed. I'm not out every night, bouncing to and from, looking for the next experience to lose myself in. I do miss my friends and the fact that I can't participate in dance nights or the just fly by the seat of my pants kind of moments, but I'm finding I'm happiest at home. Snuggled up with my son, or with a good book or maybe an episode of Ancient Aliens or Glee. (shut up.) The BIGGEST change though is that I'm no longer in a dead end relationship with someone who I now realize was my polar opposite. Yes, the entire relationship ended years ago emotionally and really why we hung on the shreds that were left, I'm really not clear on. But it is what it is and it's finally 100 percent OVER. I'm not going to bash on the man, he's great in his own way. But it took finally walking away 100 percent, no contact, no friends, no friends with benefits, no texting, no talking on the phone. It took me washing that man right out of my hair and for him to be absolutely gone in every way to realize that my heart didn't fully love him. He just wasn't the missing piece to my puzzle. We had absolutely nothing in common, we didn't share the same dreams, the same desires to evolve, we didn't connect on the deep spiritual level that I've always hoped to connect with a man on. We just didn't fit. Let's face it: I had some severe blinders on and now...I'm finally set free! My heart has never felt happier. :) Things have become exciting, fun and simple again. (Missa B is back bitches.) ;)

Yes, life may seem dull at times, when I reminence about my past "freedom", but when I really sit down and embrace my life I realize I'm more free now than I ever was. I have my own little family, I have freedom and happiness in my heart and in my life again. I'm able to be the ruler of my destiny again. Find the road that suits my internal and external happiness and live it however I choose. Already on this journey I've met some amazing and wonderful people, who can make me laugh till I cry, who can hold me like no one has ever held me before, who can smile and I immediately feel it's radiating happiness, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. It's a joyful experience. My life have become once again a joyful and unique experience and I'm completely blissed out by all of it! Best of all I have a son who who taught me all of this and most of all taught me what it means to unconditionally love.

Okay. Serious blog over. From this point forward I will go back to my sassy comments and outtakes on my silly life. Cut with some moments of the Deep. ;)

Good Day!
~Melissa