*poof*

Sometimes I just wish I could disappear...

torture.

"It's not over yet..."

The wind rustles my hair as the I swing higher and higher into the clouds...The sun blinds my eyes and I shut them to bring myself back to yesterday. When I found solace on my tiny tike swing set. Every night around sunset I'd swing....swing...swing.

Until dinner was done. Until the whistle ran out and I ran home, either way. I was always with the sun. Always settling myself with the sun...

To this very moment I found my peace gliding through the air, up and down, feeling the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin.

I felt myself become young all over again as I tried to push the weeks events and turmoils on my mind away for a second. a moment. and pass.

Because you can't ever fully escape the world around you. it will spin itself out tirelessly, day after day...and the people around you, you can never keep your finger on, they will live, they will disappoint, they will break your heart, they will die.

People come into this world and go right back out again. Some live full lives and others have it robbed from them. Right when they least expect it. Right when they cross the street. Right when they turn the corner or wake up from a long nights sleep.

It's unfair really.

To the world around them. Because it affects. you. it affects them. It's a ripple affect that even most go unaware of.

I felt the sun'srays on my skin and tried to let go of today. yesterday. my nightmares I wake up to every morning. The unsettledness I've felt for days now that lies festering in my mind...

I can't shake this underlying fear. Things are ajar right now. But no personally in my life...but all around me.

For some reason I'm feeling the intensity of every blow and today I crumbled beneath it all.

I don't know why I've been so open, but the synchronicity of daily events have lead up to the most unfortunate things I wish would never happen. To anyone. EVER.

taking lives that are not your own or even to take your own is the most hurtful and painful thing another human can do to another human and like I said there's that ripple effect....

my current is my closure I never got a few people that I have held dear in my heart and those that I still do and forever will.

closure in these things I don't think is ever really obtained, but there is some sort of letting go that is found in the "routine" of death I think.

When you are robbed of this option.....you are left to just mourn. forever. essentially. And quite frankly today I find it unfair.

I find these feelings I've been tormented with all week to lead up to this and everything else, unfair.

I'd rather be blind some days. Not be so sensitive to other people's emotions, or even the guy down the street who can't get his son to stop lying in the middle of the street. I mean honestly...I've seen and heard some ridiculously sad shit this week...to top it off with murders and people's mothers dying. I mean my god....

what next?

Because as I was rambling on earlier...the feeling is not subsiding..and I'm certain...

It's not over yet.....

Moofas

Sally sat at hunched over her laptop, belly full of Moofas and pondering the thought of Holy Tea.

Moofas= some crazy term her mother uses to describe "healthy fats" such as olive oil, almonds, flax oil...so on and so forth.

Holy tea= the most "too good to be true" tea scam I've ever heard of. Besides that it looks suspiciously similiar to "milk thistle" which is a great liver detoxifier, but I don't think it tackles this long and lengthy list:

• take inches off their belly and reduce fat everywhere (without dieting or giving up any favorite foods)
• feel more energy and enjoy life more
• restore mental clarity and improve memory diminished by too many toxins in the blood
• get relief from allergies and hay fever
• clean out pharmaceutical or recreational drug residues and heavy metals
• clean out nicotine and second-hand smoke deposits
• assist with a stop smoking program
• keep the colon, kidneys, liver, and lungs healthy and clean
• improve digestion and absorption of nutrients
• help detoxify chemicals created by parasites, fungi, yeast, and bad bacteria in the colon and digestive tract
• remove parasites such as worms and flukes from the colon
• help remove toxins from the blood, organs, and entire digestive system
• restore the natural balance of 80% probiotic bacteria to 20% yeast, to improve digestion and assimilation of nutrients
• restore regularity and reduce auto-intoxification
• end constipation, hard stools, and hemorrhoids
• help relieve digestive ailments such as Acid Reflux (GERD), Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), Crohn's Disease, Diverticulitis, Colitis
• clear skin conditions and body odor caused by internal toxins being excreted through sweat glands
• have skin which is healthy, soft, and younger-looking
• aid in reducing high LDL cholesterol and hypertension

I really think they may have taken the "detoxifying" list a tad bit too far, I mean this is just ridiculous. Colitis and hypertension, mixed in with some IBS?

Sally was immediately distracted by the one cat in the household that decided laying sprawled out smack dab in the center of the kitchen floor was not his idea of fun. Instead he's pacing around the house "moaning" as she calls it. It's a peculiar and half cute type of noise that resembles a purrr slash meow.

The cat is in heat. It makes sense. He's becoming a cat sans kitten and wants to entertain his manhood.

Wait no......he's fixed. Well because of this then he's just being annoying and acting immature.

Bad kitty. Baaaaaaad kitty.

OOOF! Sally's belly turns as her meditarrean pasta tries to settle.

"God damn moofas!" Sally mumbles to herself as she tries to shoo the psuedo in heat cat out of the dining room.

I guess it's time to face the sunshine and brave the last day of a Minnesota Spring.

.....................................................................................................................................................................

ps. I am working on compiling a cook book. :) Look for it soon. I'm gonna be the next up and coming Rachel Ray.

mmmm.hmmmmm.


ps. I'm buying a house soon. well fairly soon. like next 6 months soon.

YAY!

ps. I'm working six days/nights a week and work at Bulldog NE and Keegans Irish Pub both in NE minneapolis.

COME VISIT!

ps. Baxter still hates me.

:)

I've been a bad girl...

I'm definitely not posting daily.

Sorry Folks!

*Though I'm pretty sure I have no curious eyes and minds pining over my missing scribbles.*

She is So Not a Pear!

"She is so not a pear!!!"
"Yes...she is!!" I said with exasperation! " She has that full figured "lady figure" I said, wildly throwing my hands about in the familiar hour glass formation.
"She is not a pear!!" he says again, " That is so mean!"
"Well, She's not an apple!!" I said defensively of my previous conclusion. " She's full in the bottom, so she's a pear! It's widely known, I can't believe you don't know this..." I said shaking my head. "Seriously...pick up a crappy woman's mag and I'm sure you'll find something about body types."
"Wait, what do you mean an apple?" Todd said dumbfounded. "How the hell can anyone possibly look like an apple?"
" Well... I guess if you're an apple you have no hips...like me? Wait....no. I think I'm more like an upside down pear."
"What? You are NOT an upside down pear!!" Todd said chuckling.
" Well...I'm definitely not a pear, or an apple. I guess I could be a carrot." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"oh god!! Todd said laughing. I can't believe we're even having this conversation...you are not a carrot. You're beautiful."
I smiled and we giggled a bit over how silly our conversations are sometimes.
I'm still pretty sure I'm a carrot or maybe a strawberry, but definitely Not a flippin pear. And I'm pretty sure i love that my boo bear and I can classify people as fruits and vegatables at any given random moment. Oh such Good times to be had rollin deep in the trusty Windstar.


ps. Due to my roomate emailing me the correct terms of bodytypes. I am a upside down Triangle.
See? I knew I was an upside down-something-or-other. :)

Random Scribbles to Curious eyes

bling.

blang.

bloop.

boo. diddley. doot.

la. la. fa. fa. say. di ray. mo.

love is lingering on your breath...
I can feel it wrap its arms around me...
holding me tightly.
forever.
you say.
forever.
I say.
magic.
one moments passing.
bliss in eternity
where two naked lovers dance across the sky.
in the mystic moonlight.
our souls enterwined within eachother
and we disappear into the shimmering twinkle of the stars prismed across the night sky....
to find eachother once again..
dance upon the moon.
mars.
neptune.
magic.
in one moments passing.
bliss in eternity.

bang. bang. doop.
biddley do dwop.
I say forever.
forever.
for
ever


dwop jones. making music. love to my ears. the rhythm makes me sway.
sway. sway
and I say Don't let that beat drop. Don't let that rythem stop. Cuz it makes me sway. sway. sway.

crack. click. tap. tap.
suga bang bang boo bop.

gotta love an endless circle. of the mind. When the ADHD takes control and I lose myself in a maddening fury of words.
spinning out tirelessly
as I can pick them out. one by one...
as if they're little fluffy white clouds..
floating by. I used to pretend this and that. popsicles and lollipops. Being young. to be young again...live your life like allison in her fairytale. In her wonderland. like dorthy and the Wizard. Skipping down the yellow brick road.
We all had a disaster to excape.

tumble down...down the stairs.
to the basement
the conciousness of the mind..
where all the secrets are kept
and you wonder why you came down here in the first place.
its dark. it's scary. the darkness looms over you, threatening to swallow you whole
and you wonder why you came down here in the first place.

bing. bang doodley bop.
skip and a jump and a diddley hop...

down to the merry go round..where the children play.
Where the sun shines and the sky is bright....
cherry drops. seat bombs. monkey bars and red rover.
remember? Remember the thrill of recess. The thrill of playing. The thrill of summer vacation?

Take a trip. in your mind.

boop boop da dwop.
let the words find you.
embrace you.
let the words tell your story.
tell your fantasies. secrets. hopes. fears.
scandelous secrets.
and let the world in.
let the world in.
so it begins.....

http://randomscribblestocuriouseyes.blogspot.com

ps. I am making it my daily goal this summer to brainstorm as you just witnessed/read and post daily.

Come witness the depths of my mind.

:)

Animoto fun!

The ode to De-fattying my cat.

I am trying to defatty my cat. I've been following the doctor's orders and feeding lil Baxter a third of a cup of kitty kibble once a day. I used to feed him close to two cups a day, by filling his small cup size bowl once in the morning and once at night. (And I thought I was doing the "right" thing by doing this routine for my lil kitty kat.) Turns out I was only endangering his life.
Awesome. *high five* Melissa. Way to kill your cat.

So I was explaining this to my two favorite old people tonight in the land of uniform houses and winding roads to mortgage hill, when my mother looked at me alarmed and said, " you know dear....we all know you eat nothing but crumbs...but imagine you if you went from that to not eating a thing for 3 days. Your poor lil kitties tummy is shock. No wonder he's cranky with you." My father of course chimed in his agreement making me feel twice the asshole. Not that I don't always feel like an asshole, but still...this was like, MEGA asshole status.

After giving away my food, to my "dieting" father, (I use parenthesis because this diet is not a choice my father made on his own, this was more like a mother-approved diet which is really a I'm dieting so you are too, move on my mothers part, and also a gateway to say," stop eating so much or I'm going to nag you everytime you stick something in your mouth because it makes me feel better kind of deal." Either way it's a lose lose situation for my father..and in one way literal...again by no choice of his own.

Anywho...I realized my parents were right...AGAIN. And maybe I should not be so swift in my de fattying of Mr. Baxter.

Tonight when I came home I found my kitty glaring at me from across the kitchen floor. I quickly went to my room, to hide from his guilt stare and the little bastard followed me, leaving me to turn around and find him staring up at me, ears flat back, eyes in "fierce kitty mode" <----I made that up. And you love it. I quickly remembered that Baxter is definitely NOT the kitty to piss off, so I went to the kitchen, pulled out the kitty kibble, fought off all 3 kitties with avengence and left them to the hands of Iams.

At least Baxter isn't so pissed off at me, or knocking random things off of counters. And I may have diffused his urge to pee on something of mine in his kitty fury.

Summer to do list

Now that the emo days of winter have finally found it's rest. In winter's short and hurried 3 month hibernation, I am happy to say there will be no more depressing or "I was saying boo-urns" blogs.

Now everybody dance!!! :)

Today is the day I make the "summer to do list" and hopefully will accomplish more than none this year. :)

1. GO TO YOGA!

2. Go to Krav Maga with Shawni <--- which this will happen I'm sure since I have a buddy who will undoubtedly make me go!

3. Stop being a pussy and make it all the way up the ramp AND back down. I'm fully aware that half way up and down doesn't count for much, but pussiness.

4. Do an olley. while moving.

5. Start jogging? I'm still uncertain about this.

6. buy a new rug.

7. de-fatty my cat.

8. Stop hoarding clothes I will never ever ever wear again, because let's face it, you will never paint your whole house anytime soon, so stop saving them for this non-existent purpose.

9. Save at least a 1,000

10. lose ten pounds. <-----It's always my goal to lose ten pounds. Whether Todd thinks I should or not.

extra points goal------> Accomplish at least 2 of these this summer! :)

yay for me!

emo.

Emotions over run a tired mind that has been kept alive by the constant drive...

of overthinking the world and the countless possibilites that forever seem to come up short.

Dreams kept alive by lies and deciet of an internal longing to be some ill fated dream that society finds correct.

Only to find myself half alive and drowning in my own pool of desparation to keep afloat any sort of faith.

Faith that is running dry with every breath that I take I find myself wishing that life was just another sort of fairytale where you can pinch yourself and just...

wake up.

From this nightmare that spins itself out tirelessly, in some sort of plea to find another door to open, where behind it lies the golden key, which unlocks the treasures of life.

In this moment I feel that this dream that is now my reality is only just a joke waiting to be told.

The punchline a sarcastic satire that will leave us disappointed, a dream, a life...unfufilled.

I said Boo-urns!

I feel like this grumpy little fella today......

And i feel like the world keeps telling me this....

you porn and marilyn monroe.

I like to keep the 50's alive and reminence on brighter past lives when I was the elegant and classy Marilyn Monroe. We might haved ended things a tad bit too soon, but it was a great life........






















The night took a swift turn at the local pub.....

I told the paparazzi to get lost....


with no success I resorted to cheap blows.


I told that s.o.b why girls have nails.


all the better to scratch your eye out with.....





...........................................................................................................................................................................





I like to surround myself with good food, good beer, hookers and blow. And the occasional hot fella.....or 3. :)













It is clearly obvious....who the retard is here.....















seriously. someone has got to stop feeding me stella.





If I injest any more I might just go full palsy on yo ass.










The night of course ended.......with porn. Who can resist coming home to a world wide web of naked ladies???

God youporn rocks. :)

oh daddy...how I love yah....

It was a regular monday night. Off to the land of strip malls and winding roads to uniform houses.

Why this trip? To visit who else but maybe the coolest old farts I know.

the parents. woodbury. ahhh, to reminince in a town I never really called my own.

Minnesota has been home for almost 11 years but yet it's never really felt like home. Odd. But maybe not, since Minnesota sucks in oh so many ways and I have a feeling I'm one of those types that will never really settle down.

Anyway....let me rekindle a story.

So we had our dinner. Full bellies and belly laughs. Beer. reisling. and Red lobster. mmmmmm. mmmmm. good. Nothing like chain restaurants and generic soda pop.

It's a typical night. Along with typical conversation. You know the drill, what are you doing? How's the asshole cat who pee's on all your stuff ? When are you taking him to the humane society *which of course is always my father's line. My mother is an animal lover like the rest of the Baker clan. Somehow in his old age my father has taken to hating all living things. Especially Minnesota drivers, but that's a whole other blog I'll entertain you with some day.*

Anyway where was I ? oh yes. the drill. the line em up! The why aren't you doing what we ask of you young lady and it follows suit likes this:

" Did you call the dentist?"

"no"

"did you call the insurance company?"

" no"

"did you get rid of that damn cat yet?"

"no. I like him dad. He's got one more chance before they inject him with death syrup."

"did you get your oil changed yet?"

"um. no. I will tomorrow. promise"

"Well good for you sweetheart!! Thanks for puttin in 100%! Fantastic Job! As he throws his fist in the air for some wild hearted salute.

Laughter erupts the good ole hyundai. I enthusiastically reply with an upbeat, " No problem! Glad I can make you proud!"

And we all wonder where I get my sarcasm and suprisingly upbeat pessimism from.


:)

Cattitude

My cat is a jerk.

Seriously.

He runs around as if he owns this place, trashing my floor with his ill gotten finds, dollar store toys and kitty kibble.

He pounces on my boob and my face at any hour he should choose, apparently he prefers the hours of 3am to 6am when I'm clearly sound asleep and in my dream state. Mr. Baxter loves watching me nearly die from a scareattack, oh yes, it suits his lil cat fancy just fine!

He's got such catittude I don't know what to do with him. Guess those tuxedo kitties where made with a built-in of you-are-nothing-I-am-God attitude. I mean hell, who else do you know that's all dressed to party 24 hours a day seven days a week. I'm sure on the inside he's complimenting himself for being so fab-u-lahsss! Poor Baxie. To own such a trashy unkept thing like me must be embarrassing. Especially when I come around to bring him home while he's kickin it on the stoop with his hobo kitty pals. Po Baxie.

It's a love/hate relationship at best.

I love him when he's cute and cuddly. I love it when he greets me at the door, or jumps on the hood of my car, carefully scaling my window. I love it when he headbutts my cheek and does a belly flop on my chest. I love when we play the hide and swat-melissa's-leg-because-I'm-hiding-and-you-just-ran-by-me-so-I'm-swatting-you-bitch game. (let me advise you I clearly know he's "hiding" under the table, but the game goes on a played...he usually gets a tackle or five so I figure it'll even it's self out in due time...) Most of all I love his uncanny way of insisting upon not being left out of the bathroom. Of all places, right? You would think kitty kats of his statute wouldn't dare be found loitering in a human litter box.


But oh no!!! God forbid if Mr. Baxter misses me squat on the toilet to pee. Oh good god no!!!! It's a tragedy!! I'm in for an earful for the next two minutes if I don't. Or most times he'll try to break his way in....it's amazing what that lil guy will do. At least I get a giggle out of hilarity of this ordeal, which tends to happen every morning when I head to the john.

I guess it's a good thing cats have a two minute attention span. Or I'm sure we'd have many more adventures of odd-kitty-fun.

Cats are strange little creatures, this is for certain... and mine, was cursed from the day I named him.

Baxter was probably not the best choice, his nickname is now " bastard" Cleverly named by my brother upon first meeting. I guess the lil guy never really got a fair chance at being anything more than jerk.

poor lil guy.

Its a love hate relationship at best. But in the end he'll still be a jerk. And I'll still clean up his kitty kibble while he pounces on my hand with every sweep I make.

He'll still stick his nose in my right nostril every morning or in my mouth should I dare yawn.

Of course he'll be my wake up call every crack of dawn with a swat on the head demanding me I pet him, or feed him, or whichever hair seems to be up his butt at that given moment.

And I'll still be there to feed him. pet him. tackle him. Tell him no every five seconds when he decides to get into more kitty cat mischief.

It's a love hate relationship at best.

drunken observations..

Its in every bar. You can't run from it. You can't avoid it. You can't pretend it's not there.

Loneliness.

Somewhere lurking within that bar, it will lie. Festering.

In the guy sitting by himself on the far right side of the bar, hunched over his beer as if it were a crystal ball foretelling his future.

Maybe in some way it is...

In the woman who leans against the railing outside chain smoking, face over tanned and worn, her voice the sound of sandpaper against vocal cords.

The loneliness lurks in between the clusters of girls huddled in the corner, each one texting their friday night fucks, while snappin photo after photo in between a maddening burst of sloppy giggles and high pitched teeth grinding squeals.

It hides between the couples scattered across the bar, talking amongst each other, pretending to be tucked away in Venice somewhere, not in a suburban bar in the middle of the tundra in a half name state.

And as I watch these tired out scenarios repeat themselves I catch the eye of a passerby and his face lights up.

As I crack a smile to only look away, because I, unlike him, am not interested in the manisfestion of the parasite that pursues these people.

I only come here to be one of those girls in the corner, or a pretender of Venice while moderately watching all the life that comes in, all the dreams that are lost, all the hopes, all the desires, all the testosterone, and batting eyelashes.

In the end, it's the loneliness that reeks, and propels me into never wanting to step foot in another place like this again.

But it's the same thing that makes me want to visit over and over again, just so that I can take in all these different things and be reminded of what it is to be alive.

The good times and the bad. Every moment in which we breathe, every step we take, every wrong turn and every new path.

It's the adversity of the human being that is so amazing to watch.

And what better place than this.....

freedom.

I feel the whole world beckoning me to join
Follow the ways of the world and become
one.
and by ways of the world
I mean the inner process of finding that inner peace
that drives your inner spirit
to newfound and everlasting happiness.
I found myself again.
waiting.
where it's been all along..

too bad I was too wrapped in another human being
to notice.

Freedom
to love. live. laugh.
and to feel completely alive.
all over again and for the first time.

Sometimes love just isn't enough is what she said...
how bout sometimes you can love and still love
but let them go for they are not the inspiration you may
both
need

a lifetime of hurt would surely ensue
if I followed my heart,
not my soul.

Heaven

Want a piece of heaven?

Throw a whole chicken in a pot. Cook that baby for a lil past an hour.
In the meantime show off some forearm skillz with your bestest knife and get the sweet yellow onions a dicin..
Next some poblano pepper. A garlic bulb or two.
I like to kill vampires with my meals. Or maybe a few unknown passerbys.
Throw all the majick veggies into a pan...simmer in some butter for some extra flavor and underarm wiggle...
Next some chicken stock. Organic if you're a hippy.
whisk in some flour...
oh yeah...it's gravy baby!
Get your man shreddin that chicken! I don't have 4 arms now do I???
Now for the secret spices:
Cumin
Ancho powder
Hot chili powder
you can throw in some mexican oregano if you really wanna, I usually just go without
When the sauce gets a lil thicker, throw in some chedda...or montery jack. Whichever you prefer, if I'm feelin sassy I throw in both!
Next some sour cream....
When the chickens shredded, the sauce is done, divy it up.
Mix some with the chicken. Throw some in the bottom of the pan.

in the mean time get that man rollin up the chix in some fine white corn tortillas and toss em into the oven!
Don't forget to put the gravy on top!!
Add some more chedda, cuz it's always betta
A half hour later...
Viola!
A lil piece of heaven!

Homework will be the death of me.

Elle sat her coffee cup down at the table...papers strewn about as her shoulders immediately slumped upon realization that she was about to be immersed in sociology homework for the next five plus hours. "Good God.." she mumbled to herself as she cursed the idea of returning to school. "And I did this again because why?" She sighed....as her eyes lingered on the setting sun. I'd rather be outside. I'd rather be walking Lollipop and Daffodil. Hell, I'd rather be jogging.
Or shoveling snow.....no that's pushing it. Snow is never a good time. It makes everything difficult in one way or another. The only time I really can appreciate snow, is when I'm at a good, safe, warm distance. Watching the snowflakes fall, one by one. Watching them sparkle in the moonlight. Coffee in hand. Slippers. Jammies. Blankets. Fire. The only time I can say winter is mildly pretty.

"Eleanor!!! What are you daydreaming about!! Don't you have homework to be studying? Good grades to earn so that you can have that dream job you've always wanted? Hmmm?"

"Oh Grandma!! Gimme a break! I was only staring into space for less than a minute!! Somehow you always catch me!" And she did. That woman was like a cat on a mouse when it came to my procrastination. The only thing is, she's always ranting about this dream job I supposedly want. I'm 28 and I hardly know what I want to be when I grow up. All I know is, I'm studying. And studying. And studying. Hopefully in the next few years I'll narrow it down and find a dream to call my own, until then I stay here with ole Grannie, Lollipop, and Daffodil...keeping Grannykins company till the sickness she bears takes her from me.

*sigh*...the weight on my shoulders seemed to gain 100 pounds and I suddenly felt as if I might topple over. Homework will be the death of me. Worrying about the things I can not change just might give me a freakin nervous breakdown. I guess out of the two worrying seems easier. And the homework will still be there when I'm done.

So Scene...

This is Baxter. He's a cute lovable kitty. He loves to go outside and play with his hobo kitty friends from time to time.





























It was a dark, crisp winter night.....As you can see Baxter is trying desperately to lose his determined stalker.



























RUN BAXIE! RUN!!!











The assailant....






Watch for him in a neighborhood near you!