Friday, June 27, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
torture.
"It's not over yet..."
The wind rustles my hair as the I swing higher and higher into the clouds...The sun blinds my eyes and I shut them to bring myself back to yesterday. When I found solace on my tiny tike swing set. Every night around sunset I'd swing....swing...swing.
Until dinner was done. Until the whistle ran out and I ran home, either way. I was always with the sun. Always settling myself with the sun...
To this very moment I found my peace gliding through the air, up and down, feeling the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin.
I felt myself become young all over again as I tried to push the weeks events and turmoils on my mind away for a second. a moment. and pass.
Because you can't ever fully escape the world around you. it will spin itself out tirelessly, day after day...and the people around you, you can never keep your finger on, they will live, they will disappoint, they will break your heart, they will die.
People come into this world and go right back out again. Some live full lives and others have it robbed from them. Right when they least expect it. Right when they cross the street. Right when they turn the corner or wake up from a long nights sleep.
It's unfair really.
To the world around them. Because it affects. you. it affects them. It's a ripple affect that even most go unaware of.
I felt the sun'srays on my skin and tried to let go of today. yesterday. my nightmares I wake up to every morning. The unsettledness I've felt for days now that lies festering in my mind...
I can't shake this underlying fear. Things are ajar right now. But no personally in my life...but all around me.
For some reason I'm feeling the intensity of every blow and today I crumbled beneath it all.
I don't know why I've been so open, but the synchronicity of daily events have lead up to the most unfortunate things I wish would never happen. To anyone. EVER.
taking lives that are not your own or even to take your own is the most hurtful and painful thing another human can do to another human and like I said there's that ripple effect....
my current is my closure I never got a few people that I have held dear in my heart and those that I still do and forever will.
closure in these things I don't think is ever really obtained, but there is some sort of letting go that is found in the "routine" of death I think.
When you are robbed of this option.....you are left to just mourn. forever. essentially. And quite frankly today I find it unfair.
I find these feelings I've been tormented with all week to lead up to this and everything else, unfair.
I'd rather be blind some days. Not be so sensitive to other people's emotions, or even the guy down the street who can't get his son to stop lying in the middle of the street. I mean honestly...I've seen and heard some ridiculously sad shit this week...to top it off with murders and people's mothers dying. I mean my god....
what next?
Because as I was rambling on earlier...the feeling is not subsiding..and I'm certain...
It's not over yet.....
The wind rustles my hair as the I swing higher and higher into the clouds...The sun blinds my eyes and I shut them to bring myself back to yesterday. When I found solace on my tiny tike swing set. Every night around sunset I'd swing....swing...swing.
Until dinner was done. Until the whistle ran out and I ran home, either way. I was always with the sun. Always settling myself with the sun...
To this very moment I found my peace gliding through the air, up and down, feeling the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin.
I felt myself become young all over again as I tried to push the weeks events and turmoils on my mind away for a second. a moment. and pass.
Because you can't ever fully escape the world around you. it will spin itself out tirelessly, day after day...and the people around you, you can never keep your finger on, they will live, they will disappoint, they will break your heart, they will die.
People come into this world and go right back out again. Some live full lives and others have it robbed from them. Right when they least expect it. Right when they cross the street. Right when they turn the corner or wake up from a long nights sleep.
It's unfair really.
To the world around them. Because it affects. you. it affects them. It's a ripple affect that even most go unaware of.
I felt the sun'srays on my skin and tried to let go of today. yesterday. my nightmares I wake up to every morning. The unsettledness I've felt for days now that lies festering in my mind...
I can't shake this underlying fear. Things are ajar right now. But no personally in my life...but all around me.
For some reason I'm feeling the intensity of every blow and today I crumbled beneath it all.
I don't know why I've been so open, but the synchronicity of daily events have lead up to the most unfortunate things I wish would never happen. To anyone. EVER.
taking lives that are not your own or even to take your own is the most hurtful and painful thing another human can do to another human and like I said there's that ripple effect....
my current is my closure I never got a few people that I have held dear in my heart and those that I still do and forever will.
closure in these things I don't think is ever really obtained, but there is some sort of letting go that is found in the "routine" of death I think.
When you are robbed of this option.....you are left to just mourn. forever. essentially. And quite frankly today I find it unfair.
I find these feelings I've been tormented with all week to lead up to this and everything else, unfair.
I'd rather be blind some days. Not be so sensitive to other people's emotions, or even the guy down the street who can't get his son to stop lying in the middle of the street. I mean honestly...I've seen and heard some ridiculously sad shit this week...to top it off with murders and people's mothers dying. I mean my god....
what next?
Because as I was rambling on earlier...the feeling is not subsiding..and I'm certain...
It's not over yet.....
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Moofas
Sally sat at hunched over her laptop, belly full of Moofas and pondering the thought of Holy Tea.
Moofas= some crazy term her mother uses to describe "healthy fats" such as olive oil, almonds, flax oil...so on and so forth.
Holy tea= the most "too good to be true" tea scam I've ever heard of. Besides that it looks suspiciously similiar to "milk thistle" which is a great liver detoxifier, but I don't think it tackles this long and lengthy list:
Sally was immediately distracted by the one cat in the household that decided laying sprawled out smack dab in the center of the kitchen floor was not his idea of fun. Instead he's pacing around the house "moaning" as she calls it. It's a peculiar and half cute type of noise that resembles a purrr slash meow.
The cat is in heat. It makes sense. He's becoming a cat sans kitten and wants to entertain his manhood.
Wait no......he's fixed. Well because of this then he's just being annoying and acting immature.
Bad kitty. Baaaaaaad kitty.
OOOF! Sally's belly turns as her meditarrean pasta tries to settle.
"God damn moofas!" Sally mumbles to herself as she tries to shoo the psuedo in heat cat out of the dining room.
I guess it's time to face the sunshine and brave the last day of a Minnesota Spring.
.....................................................................................................................................................................
ps. I am working on compiling a cook book. :) Look for it soon. I'm gonna be the next up and coming Rachel Ray.
mmmm.hmmmmm.
ps. I'm buying a house soon. well fairly soon. like next 6 months soon.
YAY!
ps. I'm working six days/nights a week and work at Bulldog NE and Keegans Irish Pub both in NE minneapolis.
COME VISIT!
ps. Baxter still hates me.
:)
Moofas= some crazy term her mother uses to describe "healthy fats" such as olive oil, almonds, flax oil...so on and so forth.
Holy tea= the most "too good to be true" tea scam I've ever heard of. Besides that it looks suspiciously similiar to "milk thistle" which is a great liver detoxifier, but I don't think it tackles this long and lengthy list:
- take inches off their belly and reduce fat everywhere (without dieting or giving up any favorite foods)
- feel more energy and enjoy life more
- restore mental clarity and improve memory diminished by too many toxins in the blood
- get relief from allergies and hay fever
- clean out pharmaceutical or recreational drug residues and heavy metals
- clean out nicotine and second-hand smoke deposits
- assist with a stop smoking program
- keep the colon, kidneys, liver, and lungs healthy and clean
- improve digestion and absorption of nutrients
- help detoxify chemicals created by parasites, fungi, yeast, and bad bacteria in the colon and digestive tract
- remove parasites such as worms and flukes from the colon
- help remove toxins from the blood, organs, and entire digestive system
- restore the natural balance of 80% probiotic bacteria to 20% yeast, to improve digestion and assimilation of nutrients
- restore regularity and reduce auto-intoxification
- end constipation, hard stools, and hemorrhoids
- help relieve digestive ailments such as Acid Reflux (GERD), Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), Crohn's Disease, Diverticulitis, Colitis
- clear skin conditions and body odor caused by internal toxins being excreted through sweat glands
- have skin which is healthy, soft, and younger-looking
- aid in reducing high LDL cholesterol and hypertension
Sally was immediately distracted by the one cat in the household that decided laying sprawled out smack dab in the center of the kitchen floor was not his idea of fun. Instead he's pacing around the house "moaning" as she calls it. It's a peculiar and half cute type of noise that resembles a purrr slash meow.
The cat is in heat. It makes sense. He's becoming a cat sans kitten and wants to entertain his manhood.
Wait no......he's fixed. Well because of this then he's just being annoying and acting immature.
Bad kitty. Baaaaaaad kitty.
OOOF! Sally's belly turns as her meditarrean pasta tries to settle.
"God damn moofas!" Sally mumbles to herself as she tries to shoo the psuedo in heat cat out of the dining room.
I guess it's time to face the sunshine and brave the last day of a Minnesota Spring.
.....................................................................................................................................................................
ps. I am working on compiling a cook book. :) Look for it soon. I'm gonna be the next up and coming Rachel Ray.
mmmm.hmmmmm.
ps. I'm buying a house soon. well fairly soon. like next 6 months soon.
YAY!
ps. I'm working six days/nights a week and work at Bulldog NE and Keegans Irish Pub both in NE minneapolis.
COME VISIT!
ps. Baxter still hates me.
:)
Monday, June 16, 2008
I've been a bad girl...
I'm definitely not posting daily.
Sorry Folks!
*Though I'm pretty sure I have no curious eyes and minds pining over my missing scribbles.*
Sorry Folks!
*Though I'm pretty sure I have no curious eyes and minds pining over my missing scribbles.*
Thursday, June 5, 2008
She is So Not a Pear!
"She is so not a pear!!!"
"Yes...she is!!" I said with exasperation! " She has that full figured "lady figure" I said, wildly throwing my hands about in the familiar hour glass formation.
"She is not a pear!!" he says again, " That is so mean!"
"Well, She's not an apple!!" I said defensively of my previous conclusion. " She's full in the bottom, so she's a pear! It's widely known, I can't believe you don't know this..." I said shaking my head. "Seriously...pick up a crappy woman's mag and I'm sure you'll find something about body types."
"Wait, what do you mean an apple?" Todd said dumbfounded. "How the hell can anyone possibly look like an apple?"
" Well... I guess if you're an apple you have no hips...like me? Wait....no. I think I'm more like an upside down pear."
"What? You are NOT an upside down pear!!" Todd said chuckling.
" Well...I'm definitely not a pear, or an apple. I guess I could be a carrot." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"oh god!! Todd said laughing. I can't believe we're even having this conversation...you are not a carrot. You're beautiful."
I smiled and we giggled a bit over how silly our conversations are sometimes.
I'm still pretty sure I'm a carrot or maybe a strawberry, but definitely Not a flippin pear. And I'm pretty sure i love that my boo bear and I can classify people as fruits and vegatables at any given random moment. Oh such Good times to be had rollin deep in the trusty Windstar.
ps. Due to my roomate emailing me the correct terms of bodytypes. I am a upside down Triangle.
See? I knew I was an upside down-something-or-other. :)
"Yes...she is!!" I said with exasperation! " She has that full figured "lady figure" I said, wildly throwing my hands about in the familiar hour glass formation.
"She is not a pear!!" he says again, " That is so mean!"
"Well, She's not an apple!!" I said defensively of my previous conclusion. " She's full in the bottom, so she's a pear! It's widely known, I can't believe you don't know this..." I said shaking my head. "Seriously...pick up a crappy woman's mag and I'm sure you'll find something about body types."
"Wait, what do you mean an apple?" Todd said dumbfounded. "How the hell can anyone possibly look like an apple?"
" Well... I guess if you're an apple you have no hips...like me? Wait....no. I think I'm more like an upside down pear."
"What? You are NOT an upside down pear!!" Todd said chuckling.
" Well...I'm definitely not a pear, or an apple. I guess I could be a carrot." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"oh god!! Todd said laughing. I can't believe we're even having this conversation...you are not a carrot. You're beautiful."
I smiled and we giggled a bit over how silly our conversations are sometimes.
I'm still pretty sure I'm a carrot or maybe a strawberry, but definitely Not a flippin pear. And I'm pretty sure i love that my boo bear and I can classify people as fruits and vegatables at any given random moment. Oh such Good times to be had rollin deep in the trusty Windstar.
ps. Due to my roomate emailing me the correct terms of bodytypes. I am a upside down Triangle.
See? I knew I was an upside down-something-or-other. :)
Random Scribbles to Curious eyes
bling.
blang.
bloop.
boo. diddley. doot.
la. la. fa. fa. say. di ray. mo.
love is lingering on your breath...
I can feel it wrap its arms around me...
holding me tightly.
forever.
you say.
forever.
I say.
magic.
one moments passing.
bliss in eternity
where two naked lovers dance across the sky.
in the mystic moonlight.
our souls enterwined within eachother
and we disappear into the shimmering twinkle of the stars prismed across the night sky....
to find eachother once again..
dance upon the moon.
mars.
neptune.
magic.
in one moments passing.
bliss in eternity.
bang. bang. doop.
biddley do dwop.
I say forever.
forever.
for
ever
dwop jones. making music. love to my ears. the rhythm makes me sway.
sway. sway
and I say Don't let that beat drop. Don't let that rythem stop. Cuz it makes me sway. sway. sway.
crack. click. tap. tap.
suga bang bang boo bop.
gotta love an endless circle. of the mind. When the ADHD takes control and I lose myself in a maddening fury of words.
spinning out tirelessly
as I can pick them out. one by one...
as if they're little fluffy white clouds..
floating by. I used to pretend this and that. popsicles and lollipops. Being young. to be young again...live your life like allison in her fairytale. In her wonderland. like dorthy and the Wizard. Skipping down the yellow brick road.
We all had a disaster to excape.
tumble down...down the stairs.
to the basement
the conciousness of the mind..
where all the secrets are kept
and you wonder why you came down here in the first place.
its dark. it's scary. the darkness looms over you, threatening to swallow you whole
and you wonder why you came down here in the first place.
bing. bang doodley bop.
skip and a jump and a diddley hop...
down to the merry go round..where the children play.
Where the sun shines and the sky is bright....
cherry drops. seat bombs. monkey bars and red rover.
remember? Remember the thrill of recess. The thrill of playing. The thrill of summer vacation?
Take a trip. in your mind.
boop boop da dwop.
let the words find you.
embrace you.
let the words tell your story.
tell your fantasies. secrets. hopes. fears.
scandelous secrets.
and let the world in.
let the world in.
so it begins.....
http://randomscribblestocuriouseyes.blogspot.com
ps. I am making it my daily goal this summer to brainstorm as you just witnessed/read and post daily.
Come witness the depths of my mind.
:)
blang.
bloop.
boo. diddley. doot.
la. la. fa. fa. say. di ray. mo.
love is lingering on your breath...
I can feel it wrap its arms around me...
holding me tightly.
forever.
you say.
forever.
I say.
magic.
one moments passing.
bliss in eternity
where two naked lovers dance across the sky.
in the mystic moonlight.
our souls enterwined within eachother
and we disappear into the shimmering twinkle of the stars prismed across the night sky....
to find eachother once again..
dance upon the moon.
mars.
neptune.
magic.
in one moments passing.
bliss in eternity.
bang. bang. doop.
biddley do dwop.
I say forever.
forever.
for
ever
dwop jones. making music. love to my ears. the rhythm makes me sway.
sway. sway
and I say Don't let that beat drop. Don't let that rythem stop. Cuz it makes me sway. sway. sway.
crack. click. tap. tap.
suga bang bang boo bop.
gotta love an endless circle. of the mind. When the ADHD takes control and I lose myself in a maddening fury of words.
spinning out tirelessly
as I can pick them out. one by one...
as if they're little fluffy white clouds..
floating by. I used to pretend this and that. popsicles and lollipops. Being young. to be young again...live your life like allison in her fairytale. In her wonderland. like dorthy and the Wizard. Skipping down the yellow brick road.
We all had a disaster to excape.
tumble down...down the stairs.
to the basement
the conciousness of the mind..
where all the secrets are kept
and you wonder why you came down here in the first place.
its dark. it's scary. the darkness looms over you, threatening to swallow you whole
and you wonder why you came down here in the first place.
bing. bang doodley bop.
skip and a jump and a diddley hop...
down to the merry go round..where the children play.
Where the sun shines and the sky is bright....
cherry drops. seat bombs. monkey bars and red rover.
remember? Remember the thrill of recess. The thrill of playing. The thrill of summer vacation?
Take a trip. in your mind.
boop boop da dwop.
let the words find you.
embrace you.
let the words tell your story.
tell your fantasies. secrets. hopes. fears.
scandelous secrets.
and let the world in.
let the world in.
so it begins.....
http://randomscribblestocuriouseyes.blogspot.com
ps. I am making it my daily goal this summer to brainstorm as you just witnessed/read and post daily.
Come witness the depths of my mind.
:)
Monday, June 2, 2008
The ode to De-fattying my cat.
I am trying to defatty my cat. I've been following the doctor's orders and feeding lil Baxter a third of a cup of kitty kibble once a day. I used to feed him close to two cups a day, by filling his small cup size bowl once in the morning and once at night. (And I thought I was doing the "right" thing by doing this routine for my lil kitty kat.) Turns out I was only endangering his life.
Awesome. *high five* Melissa. Way to kill your cat.
So I was explaining this to my two favorite old people tonight in the land of uniform houses and winding roads to mortgage hill, when my mother looked at me alarmed and said, " you know dear....we all know you eat nothing but crumbs...but imagine you if you went from that to not eating a thing for 3 days. Your poor lil kitties tummy is shock. No wonder he's cranky with you." My father of course chimed in his agreement making me feel twice the asshole. Not that I don't always feel like an asshole, but still...this was like, MEGA asshole status.
After giving away my food, to my "dieting" father, (I use parenthesis because this diet is not a choice my father made on his own, this was more like a mother-approved diet which is really a I'm dieting so you are too, move on my mothers part, and also a gateway to say," stop eating so much or I'm going to nag you everytime you stick something in your mouth because it makes me feel better kind of deal." Either way it's a lose lose situation for my father..and in one way literal...again by no choice of his own.
Anywho...I realized my parents were right...AGAIN. And maybe I should not be so swift in my de fattying of Mr. Baxter.
Tonight when I came home I found my kitty glaring at me from across the kitchen floor. I quickly went to my room, to hide from his guilt stare and the little bastard followed me, leaving me to turn around and find him staring up at me, ears flat back, eyes in "fierce kitty mode" <----I made that up. And you love it. I quickly remembered that Baxter is definitely NOT the kitty to piss off, so I went to the kitchen, pulled out the kitty kibble, fought off all 3 kitties with avengence and left them to the hands of Iams.
At least Baxter isn't so pissed off at me, or knocking random things off of counters. And I may have diffused his urge to pee on something of mine in his kitty fury.
Awesome. *high five* Melissa. Way to kill your cat.
So I was explaining this to my two favorite old people tonight in the land of uniform houses and winding roads to mortgage hill, when my mother looked at me alarmed and said, " you know dear....we all know you eat nothing but crumbs...but imagine you if you went from that to not eating a thing for 3 days. Your poor lil kitties tummy is shock. No wonder he's cranky with you." My father of course chimed in his agreement making me feel twice the asshole. Not that I don't always feel like an asshole, but still...this was like, MEGA asshole status.
After giving away my food, to my "dieting" father, (I use parenthesis because this diet is not a choice my father made on his own, this was more like a mother-approved diet which is really a I'm dieting so you are too, move on my mothers part, and also a gateway to say," stop eating so much or I'm going to nag you everytime you stick something in your mouth because it makes me feel better kind of deal." Either way it's a lose lose situation for my father..and in one way literal...again by no choice of his own.
Anywho...I realized my parents were right...AGAIN. And maybe I should not be so swift in my de fattying of Mr. Baxter.
Tonight when I came home I found my kitty glaring at me from across the kitchen floor. I quickly went to my room, to hide from his guilt stare and the little bastard followed me, leaving me to turn around and find him staring up at me, ears flat back, eyes in "fierce kitty mode" <----I made that up. And you love it. I quickly remembered that Baxter is definitely NOT the kitty to piss off, so I went to the kitchen, pulled out the kitty kibble, fought off all 3 kitties with avengence and left them to the hands of Iams.
At least Baxter isn't so pissed off at me, or knocking random things off of counters. And I may have diffused his urge to pee on something of mine in his kitty fury.
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