torture.

"It's not over yet..."

The wind rustles my hair as the I swing higher and higher into the clouds...The sun blinds my eyes and I shut them to bring myself back to yesterday. When I found solace on my tiny tike swing set. Every night around sunset I'd swing....swing...swing.

Until dinner was done. Until the whistle ran out and I ran home, either way. I was always with the sun. Always settling myself with the sun...

To this very moment I found my peace gliding through the air, up and down, feeling the warmth of the sun's rays on my skin.

I felt myself become young all over again as I tried to push the weeks events and turmoils on my mind away for a second. a moment. and pass.

Because you can't ever fully escape the world around you. it will spin itself out tirelessly, day after day...and the people around you, you can never keep your finger on, they will live, they will disappoint, they will break your heart, they will die.

People come into this world and go right back out again. Some live full lives and others have it robbed from them. Right when they least expect it. Right when they cross the street. Right when they turn the corner or wake up from a long nights sleep.

It's unfair really.

To the world around them. Because it affects. you. it affects them. It's a ripple affect that even most go unaware of.

I felt the sun'srays on my skin and tried to let go of today. yesterday. my nightmares I wake up to every morning. The unsettledness I've felt for days now that lies festering in my mind...

I can't shake this underlying fear. Things are ajar right now. But no personally in my life...but all around me.

For some reason I'm feeling the intensity of every blow and today I crumbled beneath it all.

I don't know why I've been so open, but the synchronicity of daily events have lead up to the most unfortunate things I wish would never happen. To anyone. EVER.

taking lives that are not your own or even to take your own is the most hurtful and painful thing another human can do to another human and like I said there's that ripple effect....

my current is my closure I never got a few people that I have held dear in my heart and those that I still do and forever will.

closure in these things I don't think is ever really obtained, but there is some sort of letting go that is found in the "routine" of death I think.

When you are robbed of this option.....you are left to just mourn. forever. essentially. And quite frankly today I find it unfair.

I find these feelings I've been tormented with all week to lead up to this and everything else, unfair.

I'd rather be blind some days. Not be so sensitive to other people's emotions, or even the guy down the street who can't get his son to stop lying in the middle of the street. I mean honestly...I've seen and heard some ridiculously sad shit this week...to top it off with murders and people's mothers dying. I mean my god....

what next?

Because as I was rambling on earlier...the feeling is not subsiding..and I'm certain...

It's not over yet.....